In the early 1970s a young Israeli self-proclaimed psychic called Uri Geller made his first appearances in Britain, gaining tabloid headlines and demonstrating his supposedly supernatural powers on TV. The superpower that Geller became best known for was the rather prosaic one of bending spoons with the power of his mind, simply by gently stroking the metal. The amazing ability to bend cutlery with one’s psychic power was dubbed ‘The Geller Effect’.
My family and I watched one such television demonstration and saw Uri stroke a spoon gently before it began to wobble and bend before our eyes. He told his TV audience to try it for themselves. Like many across the country, I did and to my parents’ amazement, I found that I too had the ability to bend spoons with the power of my mind.
I accomplished this feat in the same way that Geller did. I waited until no one was looking and bent the spoon by force then wobbled it in my hand to make it look like it had turned to jelly, pressuring it with my thumb for a bit of extra bend.
Geller’s fame was such that he gained the attention of several high profile scientists who tested and supposedly validated his powers in their laboratories. Of course, clever physicists would never be outwitted by cheap conjuring tricks… would they?
Anyway, by 1975 the world was ready for Uri Geller – the album. I listened to it so that you don’t have to.
A cross between Donovan and Charles Manson
The music on the LP is composed by two of Geller’s friends. One is Byron Janis, a world-celebrated American pianist, most known for his performances of Chopin. Janis believed Geller had helped him contact the spirit of Chopin one time when Geller, Janis and some friends were holding Chopin’s death mask – a plaster cast made from the dead composer himself. As they held it, Janis claims, tears started trickling from its eyes. Janis tasted the tears and they were salty. They also saw bubbles surface on the mask’s mouth.[i]
If you’re wondering what made poor old Chopin drool and weep, it could well have been this album.
The second composer is Del Newman who was arranger to stars like Paul McCartney, George Harrison, Paul Simon, Elton John, Donovan and many others. Uri himself provides the lyrics.
Uri doesn’t sing though. He whispers his new agey cosmic verse as if he’s trying to hypnotise you. The first track has Uri exhort us to ‘Come on and Love’ sounding creepily like a cross between Donovan and Charles Manson, though this is possibly being unfair to both those parties.
As pianos and strings swell, Uri intones that he is ‘Floating in deeeeep, velvet, black spaaaaccceeee….’
The best track is the ‘The Day’ which is the cold war apocalyptic closer to side one. It’s Geller’s Book of Revelations and against a backdrop of ominous spacey noises and gurgling 70s synths he warns us about the day that…
The mist became so heavy sunken
Sunk so deep above
The colours dropped to nothing burnt
Again and sown the fields
The fields that grew these colours yellow…
In one song (‘The Lonely Man’) Uri ignores his producer’s injunction not to sing and he tunelessly warbles a few phrases, which may not make your spoons bend, but will make your toes curl.
It’s only when we get to the final track on side two that we get what we’ve been waiting for – how to bend stuff with your mind. ‘Inner cosmos outer space, they have no ending’, Uri explains before instructing us to pick up something, ‘…maybe a fork, a spoon or a key’. Hold the thing in your hand, he tells us, as syrupy strings weep and groan, while repeating in your mind:
‘Bend….. Beeeennnnddddd….’
Unfortunately, he missed a key part of the instructions – cheat!
Benders
Speaking of cheating, the inside of the gatefold sleeve has a photo of Geller with Professor John Taylor, a well-known physicist of King’s College, London. Above the photo is a letter from Dr Taylor describing how he has tested Geller’s metal bending abilities in his university laboratory and how ‘the Geller Effect’ is ‘clearly not brought about by fraud’. He thinks Uri’s magic powers are such a challenge to orthodoxy that it could ‘destroy’ the scientific establishment.
Professor John Taylor (left) and Uri Geller (from the inside gatefold)
In fact, Professor Taylor studied 38 psychic metal benders (mostly children) in his lab. He noted one curious aspect of the phenomenon that he dubbed ‘the shyness effect’. For some mysterious reason the bending of the metal only seemed to occur when the ‘psychics’ were not being observed. Funny that.
Another believer, Harry Collins, a sociologist from the University of Bath, carried out a similar experiment but observed the test subjects through a one-way mirror.[ii] Guess what.
They cheated.
[i] Byron Janis, Chopin and Beyond: My Extraordinary Life in Music and the Paranormal (Wiley Publishing: New Jersey, 2010) pp.181-183
[ii] David Marks, The Psychology of the Psychic (Prometheus: New York, 2000) pp.195-196
You may have heard of the Highgate Vampire said to have haunted Highgate Cemetery in London in the 1960s and 70s. You may also have heard of the Kirklees Vampire which was supposed to have infested Robin Hood’s grave, near Brighouse in West Yorkshire.
However, I recently stumbled upon another ‘real’ vampire case that seems to be virtually unknown: The Parisian Vampire.
The supposedly true story comes from a book called Evenings with Prince Cambaceres written by Baron Étienne-Léon de Lamothe-Langon in 1837.[i] The book purports to be a ‘faithful record’ of conversations the Baron had with the prince of the title and with Napoléon Bonaparte himself. The remarkable story of the Paris Vampire is told by the Duke of Otranto, Joseph Fouche, the minister of police, and was widely reported in the press.[ii]
Lamothe-Langon
A strange phantasmagorical story
In the very early nineteenth century a mysterious man called Rafin, described as being good-looking and well-dressed, though with a fierce countenance, had taken an apartment at the Hotel Pepin on Rue Saint-Eloi. For some reason he had attracted the attention of the police, though we are not told why. In any case, the police were suspicious enough to put a watch on the hotel and follow Rafin whenever he went out.
During the day Rafin would go out and spend time with various Paris families, though his evening behaviour was much stranger. Every night at exactly 11pm police agents would follow him to the Pere-Lachaise Cemetery where they would lose track of him. Then at 4am Rafin would appear again, and the agents would follow him back to his hotel. This happened every single evening, and no matter what the agents did, Rafin would always disappear when he got to the cemetery, only to reappear a few hours later.
Pere-Lachaise Cemetery – Haunt of the Paris Vampire
Eventually, it was decided to arrest Rafin on his way to the cemetery. However, when two officers attempted to detain him, Rafin flattened them with blows that felt like they came from an iron bar. Rafin was surrounded and searched but had nothing incriminating on him and was released. Although police officers tailed him, he once again disappeared on entering the cemetery.
He was stopped on his way back from the cemetery some time later and the officers were overpowered by a foul odour that emanated from every part of his body.
Assassin and Monster
The people that Rafin visited during the day did not fare well. A young woman who worked as a milliner had been healthy until Rafin started paying her visits, when she became pale and ill. The same thing happened to a stout widow who soon became pale and emaciated after Rafin’s attentions.
And then a young man turned up at the hotel and asked for Rafin. When informed that Rafin was out, the young man sat and waited for his return. After an hour or so, Rafin entered the hotel, at which point the young man leapt on him, grabbing his collar and calling him an assassin and a monster.
As they wrestled, the young man drew out a knife and stabbed Rafin in the right side. Rafin moaned and stopped moving. The young man fled before the police arrived, leaving his knife sticking out of Rafin’s side.
The surgeon arrived and pronounced Rafin dead. When they undressed him, however, it was seen that instead of the single wound he had six bleeding wounds on his throat, his side, his abdomen and on his thigh. The witnesses were unanimous that Rafin had only been stabbed once, after which the knife was left in the wound. The other bleeding wounds were made by different blades from the one that was stuck in his side.
Rafin’s apartment was searched but no clue was found apart from a passport that said he was from Strasbourg.
The young man who had stabbed Rafin was eventually traced. The youth said that Rafin had been his rival for the attentions of a young lady, who soon after meeting Rafin had started to sicken and suffer from nightmares. She had told her sister that every night a hideous creature would come to suck her blood, and that the creature bore some similarity to Rafin.
The young woman died, and believing Rafin was responsible, the young man had set out to confront him, leading to the fight that killed his rival.
Back from the Grave
Rafin’s corpse was kept in a ground floor room in the Hotel Pepin to be buried the next day, though when the time came for the internment, the body was gone. Body snatchers were suspected, but despite a police investigation, no trace was found.
However, six weeks later, to the horror of the staff, Rafin turned up at the hotel demanding the key to his apartment so he could collect his clothes. The police were sent for and Rafin was caught once again.
According to Rafin, some medical students had stolen his body for dissection and were just about to cut him open when he stirred. The medical students revived Rafin, and he in turn promised not to betray them as they had saved his life.
Fouche, the Minister of Police, however, did not believe Rafin’s story and ordered him to be arrested and tightly bound in a cell. Fouche visited Rafin with the object of drawing his blood with a surgical lancet to see what would happen. When Rafin realised this was Fouche’s plan, he struggled violently and furiously.
Fouche stabbed Rafin and drew a little blood, and as soon as the first drop appeared, all six of his wounds also opened and began gushing blood. The bleeding could not be stopped and Rafin died, the whole spectacle supposedly watched by eleven horrified witnesses.
‘I cannot admit the reality of vampires, yet it is certain that I have witnessed the facts I had stated,’ said Fouche.
Rafin’s head, hands and feet were chopped off and the remains were tightly wrapped in cloth and placed in an iron coffin and buried. One year later, Fouche ordered the body to be exhumed and thankfully Rafin’s remains were still there, albeit badly decomposed.
Of course, some sceptics considered that the story about the vampire was made up in order to cover up a suspicious death in police custody…
Suckers
The tale of the Paris Vampire is told as if true, and the chief of police Fouche was a historical figure. Pere-Lachaise Cemetery where Rafin disappeared each night is also real, the resting place of Oscar Wilde, Marcel Proust, Frederic Chopin and Jim Morrison, to name but a few. The author of the book that contains the story, Baron Étienne-Léon de Lamothe-Langon, was one of France’s best-selling authors of the 1830s and produced huge number of works, many of which were what we might call faked non-fiction – biographies filled with invented salacious episodes. He also wrote fiction, including an early example of vampire fiction about an avenging female bloodsucker called The Virgin Vampire (1824).[iii]
Joseph Fouche, minister of police … and vampire slayer?
At the time the story of Rafin was written (it’s not very clear when the action was supposed to have happened, though it must be early nineteenth century) it seems much of the popular folklore surrounding vampires had yet to solidify. After all, Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1897) was the best part of a century away. Rafin has no pointy teeth, is not bothered by daylight (nor, as far as we can tell, garlic or crosses) and doesn’t change into a bat. Furthermore, his weakness seems to be unique – once his blood is drawn, all the serious wounds from his long existence simultaneously open and he bleeds out.
There are some similarities to Lamothe-Langon’s anti-heroine of his novel The Virgin Vampire. In this story, Aniska is a Hungarian vampire bunny boiler who exacts a terrible revenge on the French soldier who ghosted her. Like Rafin, Aniska’s previous wounds refuse to heal and she too has no fangs and can move around in the daytime. We are not told how Rafin fed off the blood of his victims, but we shouldn’t assume he sank his teeth into their necks and sucked away as Dracula did. Aniska operated in an unusual way. Here’s the section from the Virgin Vampire where Aniska attacks her former lover’s child:
She places her fetid mouth on the pure mouth of the child, and seems to drink long draughts of blood, which she aspires from the unfortunate creatures lungs.[iv]
As with Rafin’s victims, there are no tell-tale tooth marks.
It is clear that the dubious tale of the Parisian Vampire owes some debt to Dr Polidori’s pioneering gothic vampire story The Vampyre, published in 1819 and written in the company of Lord Byron, Percy Shelley and Mary Shelley – at the same time she came up with the idea for Frankenstein. Polidori’s vampire even has a rather similar name to Rafin – Ruthven and there are some plot similarities, though Polidori’s downbeat ending is in sharp contrast to that of the Paris Vampire.
It’s most likely the story of the Paris Vampire was a complete fabrication inserted by the mischievous Baron into his pseudo history for some fun.
Stay tuned for more Vampires That Time Forgot, coming soon…
[i] Baron Étienne-Léon de Lamothe-Langon, Evenings with Prince Cambaceres (1837)
[ii] ‘The Parisian Vampire’, Londonderry Standard, 15 March 1837, p.6
Henry Krabtree, also known as Merlinus Rusticus, was a seventeenth century Todmorden curate – but that’s not all. He had a reputation as a ghost buster, necromancer and healer and did battle with weird demons while at the same time writing arch bitchy comments about his congregation in the parish records.
In 1685 he wrote a strange almanac under the pseudonym of Merlinus Rusticus – the Country Merlin. The book mixed geopolitical prophecy inspired by the Biblical book of Daniel with his sage advice for the different months of the year.
Much of the advice was not pretty and involved purging, vomiting and bleeding. However, his advice for December and the Christmas season is simple and worth trying:
DECEMBER: The best Physick this Month is good meat and the strongest Drink you can get, warm Cloaths and moderate exercise, Hunting or Tracing Hares.
There you have it. Todmorden’s Ghost-busting Wizard Priest Necromancer’s guide to December – eat, drink and be merry![i]
[i] For the full life of Henry Krabtree, see Henry Krabtree: Curate of Todmorden, (Paper Portal Publishing, 2019) which includes a full reproduction of his rare almanac. For just the weird bits of Krabtree’s life, see my own Weird Calderdale.
Image from the Wellcome Collection (Creative Commons).
If you take a night walk on the beach near the North Yorkshire fishing village of Staithes at Christmas, you might see an eerie transparent figure floating down from the towering coastal cliffs. As the shape comes closer, it crosses a bridge and comes onto the beach where you can see in the pale winter moonlight that the figure is that of a young woman who appears to be searching in the freezing rockpools, and it’s then that it strikes you what she is looking for – her head!
This is the headless ghost of Hannah Grundy.
Staithes1880
Hannah Grundy has slipped into North Yorkshire folklore, but she was a real person. On Tuesday 14 April 1807, she and three other teenage girls went down to the beach at Staithes to hunt for shellfish. As she sat on the beach for a rest, forty yards from the base of a 700 foot high cliff, a dreadful accident occurred. A large flat rock, loosened by stormy weather, came hurtling down onto her neck and ‘severed her head from her body without mangling it, and threw it thirty yards from where she was sitting’.[i]
Ever since her headless ghost has supposedly been seen on the beach, especially at Christmas. It’s assumed she is searching for shellfish, though I think it more likely she’s looking for her own head – not easy without any eyes, which may be why she’s been searching for over two centuries.
A Headless Ghost in Buckingham
A respected farmer and his friend were driving their horse and trap along a dark country road a few miles from Buckingham one evening between Christmas 1897 and New Year 1898. As they approached the corner of a crossroads they saw a sombre looking dark figure standing in front of them.
The farmer called out, ‘Hullo there! Move on, please!’ However, the strange figure made no answer and did not move. As they drew closer they saw to their horror that the figure, wrapped in a black cloak, was that of a headless woman. At this moment the horse also caught its first glimpse of the phantom and stopped paralysed with fear and trembling violently.
Again the farmer cried out ‘What do you do there? Move on, please!’ but to no avail. The mysterious figure stood silent and immovable in the road. The horse, however, began backing away and was in danger of pulling the pair into a ditch by the side of the road, so the driver’s friend leapt out to prevent this. At this point, it seemed the headless wraith had vanished.
As soon as the horse and trap were ready to proceed, the dark figure appeared again a few yards in front of them. This time the farmer told the spirit to speak in the name of God, at which she slowly glided away through a hedge.
Now the road was clear, the terrified horse took the opportunity to gallop for its life to the nearest village.[ii]
Unfortunately, the farmer and mate are unnamed and the source for the story is the Illustrated Police News, a true crime paper famous for its lurid illustrations and known as Britain’s worst newspaper. See the top of this article for the accompanying illustration.
This story also lacks the punchline that a satisfying ghost tale needs. Usually the punchline is something along the lines of …’and that was the room where the murderer hanged himself….’
So, let’s speculate. The supposed sighting took place at a crossroads – traditionally a place where people who commit suicide were buried as they could not be interred in hallowed ground. Perhaps the headless woman in black took her own life in lovelorn despair. Though suicide by decapitation seems a bit far-fetched. Perhaps she was murdered on the spot by a dastardly lover? But this doesn’t give her much agency.
Crossroads are also associated with black magic, necromancy and the raising of evil spirits. So, I suggest she is the ghost of a necromancer who tried to raise Beelzebub in some ghastly black magic ritual but had her head torn from her shoulders by a demonic force she could not control…
The Ghost of Christmas Post
Here’s a lighter – but no less bizarre – Christmas ghost story to finish with.
In the Postmaster General’s report of 1876, a strange tale emerged set in the West of Ireland. A new post box had been built into a wall, but the post office could not get anyone to collect the letters posted there.
This was because many of the locals were afraid of a strange ghost that haunted that stretch of road – a large, white headless turkey.[iii]
Illustration by Isaac Cruikshank 1876: ‘A white woman without a head! That’s a sure sign of a frost!’
[i]Public Ledger and Daily Advertiser 21 April 1807; Larne Times 26 December 1936
Away from the prying eyes of the orthodox authorities, a group of believers gather secretly in a Saint Petersburg cellar. They chant the name of Jesus Christ as if it were a mantra and enter a state of rapturous exaltation before dancing and spinning like dervishes singing, prophesying and howling in spiritual ecstasy until they collapse in a delirious sweaty heap of bodies.
The Skoptsy find ecstasy in whirling and chanting
These are the Skoptsy, a strange castration cult that spread throughout Russia in the late eighteenth century and survived until well into the twentieth.
The sect’s origins lay in the 1760s when a wandering peasant (some sources say a runaway soldier) named Kondratii Selivanov joined a movement known as the Christ Faith. This was in itself a breakaway sect from The Old Believers, who were a breakaway from the Russian Orthodox Church…
Kondratii Selivanov
Selivanov was recognised as the son of God in his congregation and soon introduced radical innovations. The Father Redeemer (as his followers called him) declared himself to be Jesus Christ and advocated an extreme form of chastity as the way to salvation – castration.
The Fiery Baptism
The justification for this was a literal interpretation of Jesus’ words in the book of Matthew 19:12:
For there are some eunuchs, which were so born from their mother’s womb: and there are some eunuchs, which were made eunuchs of men: and there be eunuchs, which have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He that is able to receive it, let him receive it.
For men this could mean an operation called the Minor Seal – the removal of the testicles. The Major Seal was the removal of the penis. Originally, the operation was carried out with a red hot iron in a process referred to as the ‘fiery baptism’. Later blades were used, though the hot iron was still used to cauterise the wound.
For women the nipples, breasts or clitoris were removed, scarred or cut.
The operations were carried out by elders of the congregation or perhaps by the believers on themselves. There appears to have been no use of anaesthetic. Some of the adherents claimed the operations were painless while others boasted of the agony they endured for their salvation.
Many adults brought their children into the sect, with all that that entailed…
A young Skopets about to receive his ‘fiery baptism’
Apart from the genital mutilation and ecstatic whirling, the Skoptsy (which is Russian for Eunuch) lived pretty normal lives. Most were textile workers, peasants or merchants and were hard-working and industrious. They were allowed to marry and have a child before their fiery baptism. They were organised into small congregations called ‘ships’ and each was led by a preacher who called himself Christ and a woman chosen from the group who would be called the Mother of God.
Greenish Like a Young Potato
This is how one writer described the Skoptsy after visiting a Rumanian branch of the sect:
Not one drop of blood in the face: it is sallow and deathly pale. This is neither the paleness of an old man nor that of a sick one, nor that of a dead body – something is missing from under their skin. Their skin somehow differently sticks to the muscles, not as tight as ours: it is thinner and looser, as if wanting to slide down. I’m not a physiologist who can explain this anomaly; but at-a-glance and by touch I can differentiate the skin of a Skopets from ours. When you shake a hand of a Skopets, you feel that the skin on it is soft, slack, and cold […]. The colouring of Skoptsy is constantly more or less greenish like a young potato, and certainly dull. They have no sheen, not in their skin, nor in their eyes, even their hair does not have any shine – everything is lifeless (Vasilii Kelsiev).
Two SkoptsyWomen
The Skoptsy were seen as both dangerous and blasphemous and faced persecution from the Tsarist authorities and the Orthodox Church. Selivanov himself had to go on the run but was eventually caught and exiled to Siberia. In 1795 he turned up in Moscow calling himself Tsar Peter III and was promptly arrested and taken to Saint Petersburg where he met the real Tsar, Paul I. Selivanov recommended that the Tsar castrate himself, though the Emperor of Russia decided instead to send him to an asylum.
When Selivanov was released after pressure from well-off Skoptsy merchants, he returned to Saint Petersburg where he began gathering more followers, including some of high status, and many from the aristocracy attended his ecstatic rituals. Sometimes two or three hundred filled these meetings. Selivanov was eventually confined to a monastery in 1820 where he died twelve years later at the (supposed) age of 112.
His followers believed that the Second Coming would involve Selivanov returning in glory to Moscow to usher in the Last Judgement as a Tsar-Redeemer.
The Skoptsy became a mass religious movement in the late eighteenth and early nineteenth centuries, with adherents numbering in the hundreds of thousands, though it’s thought that less than half actually mutilated themselves. They spread throughout Russia and beyond, despite persecution and exile.
The sect survived well into the 1920s and 1930s when they were finally persecuted out of existence in Russia, though there are reports of exiled communities surviving until much later.
It’s easy to scoff at the Skoptsy. They’re weird, ignorant, backward. We would never do anything like that in our enlightened age. Or would we?
With the Skoptsy we can see what happens when religious sexual conservatism goes too far, and it’s pretty disturbing. In our secular, socially and sexually liberal age, strange enthusiasms express themselves differently, and may wear the cloak of science, medicine or health – but express themselves they do. They blow through our consciousnesses as hysterias, zealous enthusiasms and psychologically contagious fads, fashions and fears.
So what would it look like for our secular sexual liberalism to go too far? Surely, we wouldn’t take our contemporary metaphysical beliefs to such horrible extremes as the Skoptsy did? Metaphysical beliefs such as the possibility of being born in the wrong body, or there being 112 genders or that people can change the biological fact of their sex simply by an act of self-declaration, for example?
These are modern secular creeds and we do indeed take them to the same drastic and irreversible conclusions as the Skoptsy did with their fiery baptisms…
References
Emeliantseva, Ekaterina ‘Icons, portraits, or types? Photographic images of the Skoptsy in late Imperial Russia (1880-1917)’, Religion and Photography: The Sacred before the Camera (2009), pp.189-20
This events described below were widely reported in 1892 as having taken place in a remote area of what is now Ukraine, but was then part of Moldavia. It had also previously been Russian, part of the Ottoman Empire as well as Rumanian for a short period of time.
One night in the October 1892, a giant of a woman arrived in the isolated hamlet of Sariera, in the district of Izmail.
The stranger told the first person she met that she was a ‘footsore wayfarer’ and asked for shelter for the night. The host was Mrs Yooreskaya, whose husband was away from home at the time. Hospitality is taken seriously in Slavic lands and so Mrs Yooreskaya invited the strange woman into her cottage where her 18 month old baby boy was sleeping in his cradle and her three year old daughter lay in bed.
As soon as she had crossed the threshold, the stranger pulled out a bottle of vodka which the two women drank.
When it was empty, the stranger gave her host some money to go and buy another bottle. She was left alone with the children.
When the mother returned with the vodka she found that her cottage was in utter darkness. As she opened the door, she heard her daughter Elizabeth screaming in terror: ‘Mamma, help me; oh, do help me!’ Her mother called for her neighbours who came running with some lights and revealed a horrific scene.
In the middle of the room was the stranger with Elizabeth face up on her lap. With one hand the woman had grasped the girl’s throat and with the other she held a kitchen knife above her about to strike.
The neighbours dashed the knife out of the woman’s hand and the girl was rescued. As the stranger muttered incoherently, the mother ran to the cradle in which her baby boy Pantelimon had been sleeping, but found to her horror that it was empty.
After a quick search the boy was found under the bench. His skull had been smashed. The floor and wall were stained with his blood and brain. The boy’s cheeks had been bitten out and blood had been sucked from all the soft parts of his body.
His mother, wild with grief, grasped the discarded breadknife and tried to put an end to her life, but after a struggle was prevented from doing so.
The murderer’s name was Anna Yaroshevskaya, the wife of a trader from the city of Akkerman. It was said that this giantess had the strength of three men when she had a belly full of vodka.
Yaroshevskaya was so strong that it took five men to handcuff her and get her to prison. Yaroshevskaya reportedly looked at these men with scorn and said, ‘Oh, if I could only get a drop of vodka to rouse me a bit I’d pound the whole lot of you to a pulp’.
The guards had great difficulty getting this giantess through the crowd of furious locals that had gathered. The women of the village believed that Yaroshevskaya was a witch and that was why she had sucked the boy’s blood. The killer narrowly escaped being lynched.
Even when she was locked up, the police had to take ‘extraordinary measures’ to stop the villagers from breaking in to the prison to execute Yaroshevskaya.
We don’t know what happened to Yaroshevskaya, but we are told that she was unrepentant. Her husband, who no longer lived with her, commented dryly ‘She was always doing strange things when under the influence of vodka.’
This story was first reported in the Odessa News and picked up by a Saint Petersburg newspaper before being widely reported in an almost word for word translation across the UK and USA, often with the headline ‘A Female Vampyre’. This headline isn’t used in the Russian version, and it shows the extent to which vampires had permeated western culture five years before Bram Stoker’s seminal novel Dracula was published.
The English language papers certainly seemed to relish the exotic horror of the story, but is it true? The structure is reminiscent of urban legends, with its moral message about the dangers of drink, strangers and leaving children alone.
The dramatic conclusion and horrible twist also seem to suggest an urban legend, or dark fairy tale. Anna Yaroshevskaya also puts one in mind of Baba Yaga, the evil witch of Russian and Eastern European folklore who lived in the forest in a house with chicken legs. Baba Yaga would eat children and babies, like many a folkloric witch.
Baba Yaga and a bagpipe player
The quote from Yaroshevskaya’s husband about her always doing strange things when she was drunk on vodka almost reads like a dark punchline to the story, and only appears in the English versions.
Could the report be a late nineteenth century kind of creepy pasta?
On the other hand, the news reports about Anna Yaroshevskaya contain names and the places referred to are real. Unfortunately, I can’t find any other reference to the vodka vampire.
Stay tuned for more vampires that time forgot…
[i] ‘A female vampyre’, Framlingham Weekly News, 19 November 1892, p.3; Peterburgskiĭ listok (Петербургский листок), 20 October 1892, p.4
Here are some gobbets of strange and horrible vampire history from the late nineteenth century…
Monster Bat Attacks Baby
In Hampshire in November 1880, a woman put her baby to sleep in its cradle one afternoon. The room had an old fireplace but no fire, so the woman put a paraffin lamp on the hob to create a little warmth for the sleeping infant.
A few hours later as dusk fell, the woman looked into the room and saw to her horror a black winged creature flapping madly around the room and making a moaning sound. Suddenly the creature landed on the cradle near the baby’s face.
The woman screamed, flung the door open and ran towards her child. The creature squealed and rose from the cradle, flying round the room madly before knocking the paraffin lamp onto the floor and smashing it, then eventually disappearing up the chimney.
The terrified woman grasped her baby from the cradle and dashed to her neighbour’s house. There they saw that the child had a small puncture wound on its throat that was oozing blood. All present agreed that there was only one explanation – a vampire.
When the father returned home, he went into the room to investigate and found that the creature was a harmless long-eared bat. Furthermore, the child’s nightgown had been fastened with a pin which had come loose and pricked the baby’s neck causing a small wound when the panicking woman had grasped the infant in her arms….[i]
No names are given in this widely reported news story. It shows how much vampires (and vampire bats) were in the public consciousness even at this time, several years before the publication of Bram Stoker’s Dracula.
Monster Bat Attacks Teenage Girl
This story concerns the 17 year old daughter of James Uhl, a coffee merchant in Calaboza, Venezuela. The young woman was prone to sleepwalking ever since a child, and no cure could be found.
One night in 1890, it seems Miss Uhl left the house while in a trance and wandered into the countryside. When her parents realised she was gone, they organised a search party and eventually found the girl lying by the side of the road, with a huge bat clinging to her throat.
As the party approached, the bat attempted to fly away but was too engorged with blood to escape and was shot dead. It was over three feet long from wing tip to wing tip.
Miss Uhl had a placid expression on her pallid face, which was taken to suggest that she had fallen in her sleep and then been attacked by the creature when unconscious and had not felt any pain. There was a puncture mark on the girl’s neck over her jugular, and a pool of blood under her head.
It was believed that the bat had settled on her while she slept by the roadside and then sent her into a deeper sleep by gently fanning her face with its wings.[ii]
This story was widely reported in the USA and Britain, and does have some names and other details. However, vampire bats are a few centimetres in size and not a few feet, which really would have been a monster. While a vampire bat may occasionally bite humans, it’s implausible that it would drain the victim of enough blood to cause death. It was a commonly held myth that vampire bats would gently waft air onto the faces of their victims with their wings to send them into deeper sleep to allow them to feed.
The Vampire Cat Beast
Like the previous story, this next implausible tale is a report of a letter. Mr W.D. Newman of Greenorke was visiting some relatives in Elba, Alabama. With some friends Newman had gone hunting for wild cats in dense forest near the Pea River.
As they made their way through the woods something dropped from a branch and wrapped itself around Newman’s head, completely enveloping it. The creature lacerated his cheek, bit off one of his ears and almost severed his jugular in the bloody attack.
As the man fell to the ground with the creature gnawing at his face, his friends stunned it with the butts of their rifles and eventually beat the furious creature until it relinquished its grasp, when the dogs set upon it and killed it.
The animal was described as being like a cross between a vampire (presumably meaning a vampire bat) and a wild cat:
[It] had a web from front to hind quarters, like a flying squirrel; had a face almost flat, a little conclave, and teeth three inches long; very large protruding eyes, short stiff hair, a web foot like a duck, but long sharp claws and very short legs.[iii]
The reports in the British and American press are pretty much identical, almost word for word, but some British papers make a bizarre addition: ‘Three years ago a vampire escaped from a circus in that section.’[iv] Again, we might presume this means a vampire bat (these bats were often referred to as vampires in the press at the time), but a bat is an unusual animal to have in a circus… The reports seem to be suggesting that the vampire bat escaped, bit a cougar and turned it into a vampire big cat!
In any case, Mr Newman was taken to hospital in Elba, although disfigured for life, was expected to make a full recovery.
Stay tuned for some even more strange and horrible slices of lost vampire history…
[i] ‘Bats and Vampires’, The Graphic 20 November 1880, p.15
If you want to build one for yourself, then read on.
In my early teens I devoured books on the occult, UFOs, ESP and especially astral projection. Astral projection is where your astral body, a kind of spooky facsimile of your physical body, floats free of your corporeal self. This means you can fly around the world in an instant to anywhere you like and yet be invisible to all around you. Imagine what a teenage boy could do with such a superpower…
But to access another dimension or a higher plane of existence, you needed a magic mirror. So, in 1980, or thereabouts, I took my paper round money to The Book Case in Hebden Bridge in search of enlightenment.
What I got was How to Make and Use Magic Mirrors by Nigel R. Watson.[i] I can’t remember how much it was, but I can recall thinking that it was expensive for such a slim volume. Therefore, I reasoned, it must be true.
Blood and Gold
So I set about building my magic mirror, my portal to another realm. The book gives several methods, but I went for the easiest and cheapest – a seven inch circle of blotting paper stuck to a twelve inch square piece of yellow card. This was my no frills gateway to another dimension.
Next, I needed to add a universal fluid accumulator. You need a universal fluid accumulator, you see, to lock astral fluid in the mirror to enable it to work. To make my mirror effective, in other words, I needed blood and gold. The gold I got by filing a few teeny tiny flakes off the strap of my dad’s gold watch with the serrated bit of a butter knife. I’m not sure if the watch actually was gold, but the book said only a few atoms were needed. For the blood, I squeezed a spot. The blood and atoms of gold were placed in the centre of the mirror on the blotting paper circle which was the lens.
Now I had to charge the mirror. To do this, in my darkened bedroom, I had to imagine the top half of the room was full of some dark purple energy. Then I had to use my mind to pull this astral fluid down through my hands and zap it into the mirror. As I did this I had to use my mind to impregnate this mysterious purple energy with the desire to enter the astral plane. The universal fluid accumulator – the blood and gold – would hold the astral fluid for up to an hour, enabling me to use the mirror as the portal to another plane of reality.
Now I was ready for my sojourn to the astral world. In my darkened bedroom, I sat in front of the mirror and bathed in its magic rays, as the book instructed.
My Astral Adventure
The book had warned me what to expect. It said I may feel as if I’m shrinking, getting smaller and smaller. I would then lose awareness of my physical body and feel as if I were being pulled towards the mirror. Soon I would feel a floating sensation as my astral body left my physical body and entered the astral plane….
You’re probably wondering what’s in store for you once you send your astral body through the magic mirror into a strange new realm.
Time has no meaning on the astral plane so you can stay as long as you like. Hours will feel like minutes. You will meet all kinds of odd inhabitants in this magical dimension, though, sadly, the book goes into no details about them. One scary prospect is that it’s normal not to be able to see anything on the first few visits to the astral plane. This thought rather unnerved me – I’d be in another reality surrounded by weird Lovecraftian creatures and totally blind…
However, one thing I looked forward to in my journey through the astral looking glass was the Akashic Record. According to theosophical types like Russian mystic Madam Blavatsky, the Akashic Record is an infinite library of books containing everything ever, past, present and future – every thought, word, feeling, intention or deed of everyone and everything that ever did and ever will exist. It’s like the internet for early twentieth century mystics.
Anyway, I nervously awaited my astral adventure.
Soon I began to feel a numbness in my body, and felt – or imagined I felt – myself being pulled towards the magic mirror. It felt like I was leaving my body behind and moving towards a hole in the fabric of the everyday world, but just as I was on the brink of success, a wave of terror overwhelmed me… and I was back. Perhaps it was the nagging thought of being blind in an occult world filled with unimaginable creatures that brought me down to earth with a bump, but it felt like I’d almost touched the astral plane, and would have if I hadn’t freaked out.
I tried many more times over the months, but never came as close as that first time.
I reflected on my lack of success and wondered if it might be because my mirror was a bit crap and that I should have tried to build one that looked a bit more Dennis Wheatley and a bit less W.H. Smith. Or it could be that I hadn’t sufficiently charged my mirror with enough universal fluid accumulator, that my dad’s watch wasn’t really gold or even that my astral fluid was leaking from my magic looking glass.
I even considered briefly that the whole thing might just be bollocks…
[i] Nigel R. Watson, How to Make and Use Magic Mirrors (Samuel Weiser: New York, 1977). It’s in the public domain and available here: file:///F:/Blog/Astral%20Projection/Nigel%20R.%20Clough%20-%20How%20To%20Make%20and%20Use%20Magic%20Mirrors.pdf
Hilda Sharrock (18), a domestic servant living in Rufford, near Ormskirk in Lancashire had failed to come home at her usual time after meeting a friend. By 11.15pm, her father and stepmother were becoming concerned – Hilda was a home-loving young woman, fond of knitting and engaged to a young haulage driver who was away in Scotland, and it was very unlike her to be so late.
Bound with her own silk stockings
The Sharrocks went outside to see if there was any sign of Hilda coming down the road, but instead heard a moaning noise coming from near their garden gate. They were horrified to find Hilda face down in the gravel, a gag made from her own silk scarf tied around her mouth and her hands bound behind her back with her own silk stockings. Her clothes were torn, her beret, gloves and shoes were missing and the girl was, according to the many newspapers that covered the story, badly bruised about the face and body.[i]
Hilda was taken inside, but she was in a hysterical condition. She was delirious and met any attempt to touch her with screams and bites. She kept crying ‘Go away!’ or ‘What have I done?’ She also cried out ‘You have tried to poison me and threatened to throw me into the canal. Let me go home now’.[ii] The doctor and the police were called and Hilda, still crying for her fiancé, was sedated and taken to the local hospital.
When the young woman had finally recovered enough to make a statement, she told the police what had happened to her that evening. After leaving her friend at around 9.30, she was walking home when a car stopped by her. The driver asked for directions and then offered Hilda a lift, which she declined as she was nearly home. And that’s when her ordeal began. According to her statement to the police:
‘There were two men in the car. The man who was not driving got out of the car and said ‘You are coming with us,’ and I said ‘No, I am not,’ and I slapped his face. He then got hold of my hands and the driver came and they tied my hands behind me, and tied something round my mouth. They tried to lift me into the car, and I struggled.
One of them said ‘Oh, never mind, take her on the cut [canal] bank.’ One of them carried me over the canal bridge. The other man came along and forced a bottle into my mouth and poured something down my throat. It seemed to burn. I was laid on my side with my hands tied behind me. I tried to shout and scream but the gag was too tight. I could hear my coat and skirt tearing. Then I seemed to go all dazed and everything went black. I did not know anything else until I awoke in hospital.’[iii]
The attack reverberated through the local community, and the villagers were terror stricken with many too scared to leave their house at night after this strange and apparently motiveless attack on an innocent young girl. The police set about interviewing thirty or so motorists who were in the area at the time, and although no arrests were made, a few men fell under suspicion.[iv]
Sex and Drugs
The shocking attack was widely reported, and no doubt some of the salacious details added to the nationwide interest – the hints of sex (bound with her stockings) and drugs (‘date rape drug’ scares are nothing new). Indeed, since the middle of the nineteenth century there had been fears about the use of new synthetic wonder drugs such as chloral hydrate, a synthetic opiate synthesised in 1832. These ‘knockout drops’ could easily be dissolved in alcohol and there was great concern about the use of such drugs to incapacitate young women before spiriting them away to a life of addiction and prostitution.[v]
But who were the malignant men that had subjected Hilda to this cruel ordeal? Why had they tried to entice her into their car? Was their object sexual assault? Or was it to sell her into prostitution? And why did they let her go? Perhaps it was because she had put up too much of a struggle for them to get her in the car. In any case, it seems odd that the men would decide to drug her after her fake abduction rather than before it.
It’s unclear from the accounts how far the assault went, or even if it went beyond the ripping of her coat and dress. The police soon located her missing clothes near the canal, but the identity of the attackers remained a mystery.
Confessions of a Maid
Until, that is, the police reinterviewed Hilda on 2 December and she made a startling change to her statement: ‘I tied myself up because I was late. I tore my clothes myself and I threw them on the canal bank.’ She added that she had been with a ‘lad’ that she had met that night and, afraid of coming home late, she had torn her own clothes and the lad had helped her tie herself up. ‘I do not know the lad I went with,’ she said. ‘I just picked him up round Allan’s corner. I am very sorry I have caused everyone this trouble’[vi]
The next day, Hilda changed her statement again, saying this time that she had met a man that evening (his name was mysteriously redacted in the papers) and had been kissing with him in his car. She had then asked him to help tie her up and drop her outside her home. ‘This is the truth this time,’ she said.
In her first ‘confession’, Hilda claimed she was with a young lad. In her second version of her statement, she referred to a man, suggesting an older gentleman. Hilda had owned up to inventing the story of the assault on her, but was still hiding her relationship with this man. She must have had a good reason to want to protect his identity.
Perhaps he was a prominent local dignitary. He had a car in 1938, suggesting he was reasonably wealthy. He was powerful enough for his name to be kept out of the papers and Hilda was reluctant to reveal his identity, even when confessing to her hoax. Just speculation on my part, but it is an intriguing hole in the story.
In any case, Hilda certainly enjoyed other pursuits to staying home and knitting, including picking up with strange men while her fiancé was out of town, and possibly spending the money for her stepmother’s birthday in the pub. Her histrionic acting talents added to the melodrama and had fooled her parents, the police and various medical staff. She invented an exciting story of her plucky defiance of some dastardly villains spiced with bondage, drugs and knicker-ripping titillation – just what the sensation hungry press wanted.
But she’d also wasted 283 hours of police time and placed several innocent men under suspicion of a heinous crime. Perhaps worst of all, she’d played on her community’s sympathy and good nature. It must surely have been a shameful time for the young woman as she faced trial.
Hilda pleaded guilty to a public mischief offence at Preston Quarter Sessions on 10 January 1939. According to the Liverpool Echo ‘Sharrock, a good-looking girl, wept quietly throughout the hearing and had nothing to say for herself.’ She was bound over for twelve months after being given an excellent character reference by the local vicar.[vii]
The Halifax Connection
However, the West Yorkshire town of Halifax cast its shadow over this story. As Hilda was questioned, she told the court that earlier in the evening of her ‘attack’ she had been talking with her friends about certain events in Halifax. She continued ‘I am sorry this has happened. The ‘Slasher’ put this idea into my head’.[viii]
The Slasher she referred to was, of course, the Halifax Slasher – the razor blade wielding maniac who was terrorising the residents of Halifax in the sodden and murky November of 1938. Thousands of vigilantes patrolled the streets, innocent men were almost lynched and the town was gripped by a febrile mass panic as the Slasher’s attacks became more audacious.
But the Slasher was just a bogey man and the Slasher’s victims were found to have cut themselves and made up their exciting stories of being stalked and slashed by the eerily silent assailant who was always too fast and too cunning to be caught. Hilda’s story is one of many Halifax Slasher inspired hoaxes that spread across the whole country in the anxious winter of 1938. The prospect of another world war loomed large at the time, and this anxiety surely fed into this strange episode.[ix]
It’s easy to forget that the Halifax Slasher panic and the self-inflicted wounds and false claims of a maniac attacker was not just a matter of hysteria in Calderdale. Although it started in Halifax, it spread across the country with ‘Slashers’ springing up in Manchester, Glasgow, Blackburn, Wigan and beyond in a nationwide panic.
There were no slashers. All the victims – and there had been many – had inflicted the wounds themselves and lied about the attacks.
The moral of the tale for me is this – people make stuff up. They always have and they always will. And this phenomenon is much more common than we might like to think.
Stay tuned for more exciting historical abduction hoaxes…
[i] ‘Girl gagged and bound in garden’, Lancashire Daily Post, 30 November, p.12
[ii] ‘Gagged girl mystery at Rufford’, Liverpool Echo, 30 November, 1938, p.6
[iii] ‘Slasher put idea into my head: Bound girl story’, Lancashire Daily Post, 13 December, 1938, p.7
One of the strangest sub-genres of pop music and one that I have a macabre affection for is the death disc – songs of teenage tragedy – that rode high in the charts of the early 1960s. These splatter platters told tragic stories of teenagers and their loved ones meeting sticky ends and wallowed in morbid sentimentality. They were often considered in poor taste and frequently banned, which made them all the more alluring.
The golden age of death discs ran from 1960 until 1965 when they were killed off by Beatlemania, the beat boom and the British Invasion. The songs invariably told a story with a tragic ending, often involving car and motorbike crashes, suicide, star crossed lovers and the morbid survivor haunted by the traumatic tragedy.
The music was varied, but was mostly early 60s style teen pop ballads, though some had elements of beat, country and surf music. Many had a spoken word element, which only adds to their morbid charm, as does the frequent addition of catastrophic sound effects like screeching tyres, revving motorbike engines and explosions.
Here are my top 10 death discs of the early 1960s.
Top 10 Death Discs
10: ‘Ebony Eyes’ – The Everly Brothers (1961)
The sweet harmonies of Don and Phil grace this story of a young man waiting for his fiancée’s mysteriously delayed flight to arrive so that they can be married. In the song’s spoken interlude, Don informs us of an ominous announcement asking those with friends and relatives on flight 1203 to report to the chapel at once…
The song ends in typically schmaltzy manner:
If I ever get, to heaven I’ll bet The first angel I’ll recognize She’ll smile at me and I know she will be My beautiful Ebony Eyes
In the UK this was a double A side with ‘Walk Right Back’ and made it to number one in the charts, despite a short-lived BBC ban due to the upsetting nature of the song.
Supposedly, the Everly Brothers were reluctant to play ‘Ebony Eyes’ live as they were frequent fliers and felt it might be tempting fate…
The Everly Brothers – avoiding Flight 1203
9: ‘Patches’ – Dickey Lee (1962)
This US only hit was also banned by some radio stations because of its teen suicide theme. Patches is a girl from the wrong side of the tracks, which is why the singer’s parents forbid him from seeing her. Poor Patches, on being ghosted like this, promptly drowns herself and is found ‘floating face down in that dirty old river’.
In a morbid twist, the song ends with the singer planning his own suicide so he can be with his Patches:
It may not be right but I’ll join you tonight Patches I’m coming to you
8. ‘Dead Man’s Curve’ – Jan and Dean (1963)
Surf duo Jan and Dean had a top 10 hit with this song about dangerous driving (a common trope in teen death discs), co-written by Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.
The singer is challenged to a drag race through Hollywood to Dead Man’s Curve (supposedly a real place, though opinions seem to differ about where exactly it is).
In the spoken interlude, the singer tells the doctor how it all went horribly wrong:
Well, the last thing I remember, Doc, I started to swerve And then I saw the Jag slide into the curve I know I’ll never forget that horrible sight I guess I found out for myself that everyone was right Won’t come back from Dead Man’s Curve!
Beach Boys style harmonies and car crash sound effects complete this death disc classic, but it gains added poignancy due to a horrible real-life irony.
One half of the duo, Jan Berry, crashed his own car near the supposed location of Dead Man’s Curve in 1966, almost losing his life and sustaining serious injuries.
Jan and Dean
7. ‘I Can Never Go Home Anymore’ – The Shangri-Las (1965)
The Shangri-Las were the queens of teen tragedy and their melodramatic widescreen productions and heartfelt delivery make them irresistible. Although the girl group consisted of four members, two of them were twins and were rarely photographed together. Unlike the other coy girl groups of the time, the Shangri-Las exuded a tough girl attitude, with hints of damaged vulnerability as well as experience.
I love them – so they get three entries in my top ten.
The song is mostly spoken word and the narrator, like a teenage Ancient Mariner, grabs the listener with her feverish narration of what happens when a girl runs away from home after her mum bans her from seeing a boy. It’s easy to sneer at the sentimentality and the earnestness, but when the haunting lullaby section kicks in, it sends shivers down the spine.
The poor old bad girl’s mum eventually dies of a broken heart, and the teenage girl is haunted by guilt:
She grew so lonely and in the end Angels picked her for a friend And I can never go home anymore
6. ‘Teen Angel’ – Mark Dinning (1959)
This early example of the genre was banned by the BBC and several US radio stations, but eventually hit the American top spot in 1960. The first two lines are one of my favourite opening couplets:
That fateful night the car was stalled upon the railroad track I pulled you out and we were safe, but you went running back
So why did the singer’s girl rush back to the car that was stalled on the railway lines after just being rescued? Well, the singer tells us that when they pulled her body from the wreck ‘they say they found my high school ring clutched in your fingers tight’.
Returning to a car stuck on a train track just to get a ring suggests the Teen Angel was not the sharpest knife in the drawer, so she wins the prize for the dumbest of the deaths in this list.
The final verse laments:
Just sweet sixteen, and now you’re gone They’ve taken you away I’ll never kiss your lips again They buried you today
5. ‘Tell Laura I Love Her’ – Ricky Valence (1960)
This classic tells the story of how young Tommy enters a stock car race hoping to win the prize money so he can buy a wedding ring for his beloved Laura.
Of course, it all goes horribly wrong:
No one knows what happened that day How his car overturned in flames But as they pulled him from the twisted wreck With his dying breath, they heard him say
Tell Laura I love her
And poor Laura is left crying in the chapel with Tommy’s dying words ringing in her ears.
Ricky Valence became the first Welsh man to hit the top of the UK charts, despite the customary BBC ban. The song is actually a cover of RayPeterson’s original American hit of the same year, though Decca refused to release it in the UK, considering it in bad taste.
4. ‘Johnny Remember Me’ – John Leyton (1961)
This moody slice of haunted pop hit number one in the UK and was produced by the troubled eccentric genius Joe Meek. It’s ghostly backing vocals, eerie echo laden vibe and galloping drums earn it a place in my top ten.
It tells the story of a young man who’s haunted by the ghost of his love, whose voice he hears ‘singing in the sighing of the wind’.
The song’s atmospheric opening lines run:
When the mist’s a-rising and the rain is falling And the wind is blowing cold across the moor I hear the voice of my darlin’ The girl I loved and lost a year ago
The last line was originally ‘The girl I loved who died a year ago’, though the change didn’t stop the killjoys at the BBC from banning it.
John Leyton was actually an actor in a medical soap opera called Harper’s West One, and when the song was featured in the show it became a huge hit. It became a hit again when Bronski Beat and Marc Almond covered it in 1985.
The strange story of Joe Meek deserves its own blog article – stay tuned.
3. ‘The Leader of the Pack’ – The Shangri-Las (1964)
The spoken word introduction (‘Is she really going out with him?’), the screeching tyres and violent car crash sound effects and the cinematic production style makes this one of the most iconic of the teen tragedy hits.
Betty and Jimmy are the star-crossed lovers, but when Betty’s folks make her dump him because he comes from the wrong side of town, Jimmy drives off into the rainy night on his motorbike. Betty begs him to go slow and…. Well, you get the picture.
The Shangri-Las take the teen tragedy to new levels. Their backing vocals remind me of the chorus in an ancient Greek tragedy, interjecting, discussing and commenting on the action. It nearly made it to the top of my list, and so have you dear reader…
The Shangri-Las – Queens of Teen Tragedy
2. ‘I Want my Baby Back’ – Jimmy Cross (1965)
If you’re only going to have one minor hit, then THIS is how to do. This pastiche of the genre is in spectacularly bad taste and had to be near the top.
The spoken word verse tells the story of a young man taking his girl home from a Beatles concert on the back of his motorbike when he crashes straight into the Leader of the Pack:
Well when I come to I looked around And there was the Leader And there was the Pack And over there was my baby And over THERE was my baby And waaaaay over there was my baby
As the months pass, the singer longs for his baby back one way or another and so heads to the graveyard. Cue digging sound effects and creaking coffin lids….
In 1977, radio DJ Kenny Everett had a public vote and this glorious piece of bad taste was named the Worst Record in the World.
1. ‘Give us Your Blessings’ – The Shangri-Las (1965)
Not as well-known as the ‘Leader of the Pack’ but just as brilliant, the Shangri-Las claim the top spot on my list.
Mary and Jimmy (presumably not the Leader of the Pack Jimmy) are lovers – but elope to get married as their parents refuse to give their blessings. As they drive away, they cry so much that they miss the detour sign and die in a horrific crash:
The next day, when they found them Mary and Jimmy were dead And as their folks knelt beside them in the rain They couldn’t help but hear The last words that Mary and Jimmy had said
Give us your blessings
Please don’t make us run away…
Earnest spoken interludes, booming thunder effects and the ominous doom laden clanging of church bells and the Shangri-Las’ desperate harmonies – all you could ask from a classic 60s splatter platter. Dead good.
Paul Weatherhead 